And Your Chicks For Free

[madbaker]

We watched about half of a '93 John Cusack film, Money For Nothing. Vaguely based on a true story, an unemployed Philly longshoreman finds $1.2mm in $100 bills that fell off an armored car. He flashes it around, tries to launder some through the mob, and ends up getting arrested as he attempts to leave the country.

We turned it off halfway, because the characters were annoying and stupid. It's a good think-piece, though. How do you spend or launder it when the feds are looking?

In fact, let's make it harder since the film was almost 20 years ago. Call it $2.5 million in $500 bills. The disappearance is on the news. What do you do with the money? Assume that (morals aside) you are keeping it. Discuss.

#1: Don't tell anyone. #2: Don't spend it while the heat is on. It's easier for me; I have a middle-class job. And a safe that we inherited in our garage. I'd dump the money in the safe and try not to spend it for two years. Then, maybe, go on a Vegas trip and pay for everything with cash - they're more blase about cash high-rollers there. I'd gradually try to spend it on high-ticket items like a new sofa or bed or bookcase, perhaps one per year.

Comments

[farmount.livejournal.com]

What do I do with the money? Probably return it. Sigh. However, let's say that I kept it...

I would first consult with my father and stepmom as to how to keep the IRS from figuring out that I had the money.

One can accept "gifts" up to a certain extent from people -- I might smuggle some of the money into my bank accounts as "gifts" from people. And I may well give some of it back as "gifts" to people.

[madbaker.livejournal.com]

Problem with that: banks profile their customers, and if you suddenly start making large bill deposits even below the mandatory $10k limit, they'll report it. You might get away with a couple grand a couple times, but not after that.

[vittoriosa.livejournal.com]

I would return it 'cause I'm a good citizen. But I weren't:

Well, first of all, my landlady asks her tenants to pay rent in cash, so having a stash of large bills under my bed would definitely save me a trip to the bank every month. ;-) As for the rest of it... do you think it's wrong to pay cash for dinner at the French Laundry? 'Cause that would be my first stop if I came into a major windfall. :-)

My plan would be something like yours. Except instead of furniture I would buy something totally frivolous like Louboutin shoes or a case of Dom Perignon.

[vittoriosa.livejournal.com]

oops, "IF I weren't..."

[madbaker.livejournal.com]

The French Laundry was my thought as well.

[antoniseb.livejournal.com]

Like so many others, I have a nice job, and strong ethics... but on the premise that I could see personal and family need as surpassing ethics, I am pretty sure there are people out there who would give me 10 cents on the dollar for a chance at solving the problem themselves.

[cvirtue.livejournal.com]

So you give it to them, hoping they are smarter than you? 'Cause if they get caught, the feds show up at your door.

[antoniseb.livejournal.com]

Again, I personally would turn it in... but on this thing's premise, I would look for someone 'organized' to handle this sort of thing.

[ornerie.livejournal.com]

the trick is to spend it slowly, I bet. buy a plane ticket using your regular credit card. go overseas. spend it on (not too fancy) hotels, etc. in bits and drabs.

assuming of course you managed to get a wad of cash through customs (hmm. I wonder if you could mail it to yourself overseas?)

its hard work being illegal :)

[ppfuf.livejournal.com]

I would spend it slowly on vacations and goods. But on another message board this same question came up, and several people thought of starting a small business in ... coin collecting or antiques ... and launder some of the money through that.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=566704&highlight=million

[madbaker.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have a problem with $100s; $500s would be much tougher to change unnoticeably.

[lifeofglamour.livejournal.com]

Umm...roll around on it naked. Duh.

[madbaker.livejournal.com]

That happened in the movie, too.

[tsgeisel.livejournal.com]

I probably would return it, if for no other reason than $500 bills are uncommon enough to be noticed.

The most likely occurrence, depending on circumstances, is that 2 of the 2.5 million was found. The missing $500k is unaccounted for. I don't need "set for life". "Set for a while" works reasonably for me.

[madbaker.livejournal.com]

You don't get to make that choice. Read the entry.

[originalsnarf.livejournal.com]

If I had to keep it, I'd probably stick it in a safe until my girls are old enough to go to college. I can't imagine a lot of colleges would complain if tuition was paid in cash each semester. Also, I have friends in a lot of places. I'd mail out envelopes with a sealed, stamped, and addressed envelope inside that contains a donation to Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for said friends to drop in the mail. Coming from all over the U.S., it'd be less traceable.

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

Are there $500 bills? For some reason I thought that currency wasn't printed.

[madbaker.livejournal.com]

The Treasury discontinued them in 1969, although they remain legal tender.